The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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