i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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