I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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