also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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