Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize