im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize