why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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