Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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