I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize