Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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