You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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