one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
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You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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