i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
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Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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