I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
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Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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