There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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