and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
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Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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