So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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