The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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