i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize