"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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