no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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