I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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