I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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