why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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