she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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