are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
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Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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