so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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