Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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