and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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