I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
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You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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