I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize