oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize