There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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