i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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