I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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