This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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