i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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