no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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