i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize