bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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