I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize