Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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