if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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