The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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