Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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