Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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