we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize