I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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