The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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