everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
