Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he puts the penis in happiness.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize