Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize